Red Wine [A Poem]

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Red Wine [A Poem]

Post  Jessica Swanson on Mon Aug 15, 2011 4:44 pm

This is the 2nd draft of this poem, wanted to get some feedback on it. I'm not sure if the lasso/boomerang thing is really working, and I don't know if the last line is necessary. Constructive criticism please?

There’s a song about red
wine and it reminds me:
The word “doctor” doesn’t
really mean anything
at all.

The coming
apocalypse is going to be
as belated as it always is.

I can’t decide if your face
is a lasso or a
boomerang. It’s
either you’re always coming back
to me or you just
pull me along
wherever it is you go.

I can’t decide how
I’m going to stop the
dreams I have every
night of your boomerang
lasso-face.
I can’t decide
if I want to stop them
at all.

There’s a song
about red wine and it
reminds me: The
word “crazy” doesn’t
really mean anything
either.

I can’t decide
if I’m going to
wait for the apocalypse
or start it myself.

There’s a song about red wine
and it reminds
me: You didn’t
start this.

You didn’t start
this but you’re
tied onto it and
I’m tied onto you, a
lasso-boomerang-your
face.

I can’t decide if
I’m going to wait
for the apocalypse
or untie
myself.

The word “apocalypse”
doesn’t really mean
anything.

There’s a song
about red wine
but
it’s not really about red wine
at all.

Not to me.
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Jessica Swanson

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Re: Red Wine [A Poem]

Post  null on Wed Aug 17, 2011 7:44 pm

I love it =] you connect everything so well, and it flows nicely

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Re: Red Wine [A Poem]

Post  unused on Mon Aug 29, 2011 5:56 pm

"I can’t decide if your face
is a lasso or a
boomerang. It’s
either you’re always coming back
to me or you just
pull me along
wherever it is you go." I think the lasso-boom thing is working in a major way. I wouldn't explain it so much! It speaks so well for itself!
"I can’t decide
if I’m going to
wait for the apocalypse
or start it myself." Wicked cool.
"a
lasso-boomerang-your
face." still aweome
"untie
myself." stolen.

Dang, girl! You good(: Seriously, though: amazing poem! It's really RIGHT, ja know?
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