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Post  not affiliated on Fri Feb 17, 2012 3:46 pm

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Last edited by not affiliated on Sat May 05, 2012 3:32 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Post  null on Sat Feb 18, 2012 6:38 pm

I absolutely love the sounds of the first five lines, but I'd say that's the killer ending to your poem. try starting with 'It was life itself to blame, where pancakes burned,' and putting your first five lines after the last line, maybe like

'I guess this is growing up,
running with bricks
on my toes and the road
is chewed gum.
I try walking backwards
to be less confused.'

idk, it's an idea. coincidentally, have you listened to the song dammit by blink 182?

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Post  not affiliated on Mon Feb 20, 2012 4:07 pm

hmm thats a good idea. i shall try that and other things.
no i havent, but ill look it up

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