Red Wine [A Poem]
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Cascading Writers :: Poetry :: Poetry
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Red Wine [A Poem]
This is the 2nd draft of this poem, wanted to get some feedback on it. I'm not sure if the lasso/boomerang thing is really working, and I don't know if the last line is necessary. Constructive criticism please?
There’s a song about red
wine and it reminds me:
The word “doctor” doesn’t
really mean anything
at all.
The coming
apocalypse is going to be
as belated as it always is.
I can’t decide if your face
is a lasso or a
boomerang. It’s
either you’re always coming back
to me or you just
pull me along
wherever it is you go.
I can’t decide how
I’m going to stop the
dreams I have every
night of your boomerang
lasso-face.
I can’t decide
if I want to stop them
at all.
There’s a song
about red wine and it
reminds me: The
word “crazy” doesn’t
really mean anything
either.
I can’t decide
if I’m going to
wait for the apocalypse
or start it myself.
There’s a song about red wine
and it reminds
me: You didn’t
start this.
You didn’t start
this but you’re
tied onto it and
I’m tied onto you, a
lasso-boomerang-your
face.
I can’t decide if
I’m going to wait
for the apocalypse
or untie
myself.
The word “apocalypse”
doesn’t really mean
anything.
There’s a song
about red wine
but
it’s not really about red wine
at all.
Not to me.
There’s a song about red
wine and it reminds me:
The word “doctor” doesn’t
really mean anything
at all.
The coming
apocalypse is going to be
as belated as it always is.
I can’t decide if your face
is a lasso or a
boomerang. It’s
either you’re always coming back
to me or you just
pull me along
wherever it is you go.
I can’t decide how
I’m going to stop the
dreams I have every
night of your boomerang
lasso-face.
I can’t decide
if I want to stop them
at all.
There’s a song
about red wine and it
reminds me: The
word “crazy” doesn’t
really mean anything
either.
I can’t decide
if I’m going to
wait for the apocalypse
or start it myself.
There’s a song about red wine
and it reminds
me: You didn’t
start this.
You didn’t start
this but you’re
tied onto it and
I’m tied onto you, a
lasso-boomerang-your
face.
I can’t decide if
I’m going to wait
for the apocalypse
or untie
myself.
The word “apocalypse”
doesn’t really mean
anything.
There’s a song
about red wine
but
it’s not really about red wine
at all.
Not to me.
Jessica Swanson- Posts : 31
Join date : 2010-07-23
Age : 27
Location : Summerville, South Carolina
Re: Red Wine [A Poem]
I love it =] you connect everything so well, and it flows nicely
null- Posts : 88
Join date : 2010-07-23
Re: Red Wine [A Poem]
"I can’t decide if your face
is a lasso or a
boomerang. It’s
either you’re always coming back
to me or you just
pull me along
wherever it is you go." I think the lasso-boom thing is working in a major way. I wouldn't explain it so much! It speaks so well for itself!
"I can’t decide
if I’m going to
wait for the apocalypse
or start it myself." Wicked cool.
"a
lasso-boomerang-your
face." still aweome
"untie
myself." stolen.
Dang, girl! You good(: Seriously, though: amazing poem! It's really RIGHT, ja know?
is a lasso or a
boomerang. It’s
either you’re always coming back
to me or you just
pull me along
wherever it is you go." I think the lasso-boom thing is working in a major way. I wouldn't explain it so much! It speaks so well for itself!
"I can’t decide
if I’m going to
wait for the apocalypse
or start it myself." Wicked cool.
"a
lasso-boomerang-your
face." still aweome
"untie
myself." stolen.
Dang, girl! You good(: Seriously, though: amazing poem! It's really RIGHT, ja know?
unused- Posts : 21
Join date : 2011-07-01
Cascading Writers :: Poetry :: Poetry
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